SOME TRAVEL
Iāve done some travel recently. You ever travel on a shoestring? This is
what they call really budget traveling, no itinerary, just get on a plane
and go, thatās a good way to do it. Fuck this Fodor guide, travel agent
pick you up at the airport shit. Iām talking one way ticket to Katmandu.
Thatās travel!
thatās adventure!
Any pimply faced 20 year old trust fund girl named Missy can go to France;
Iām talking Bombay, Indonesia, places where youāre better off telling
people youāre from Canada kind of shit. In case you didnāt
notice, weād moved from ugly Americans to hated America. Itās pretty
intense. You go to a place where they donāt speak any English and your
gonna learn how to say the word bathroom pretty fucking quick.
Iāve been to places in South East Asia where there aint no white people. I
was in a jeep one time rolling through a small town; this little girl
pointed at me, grabbed her friend and said Soviet! Soviet! I was like, holy
shit, where the fuck am I? Ever been to a place where every dog has mange?
When none of the animals have hair, itās pretty scary.
I havenāt been to Africa, seems kind of cool though, in a way. Donāt get me
wrong, I like luxury, canāt beat that Bellagio hotel, I mean I live in
Newport Beach, but kind of cool to see all sides. Itās kind of fun when
people try to speak English to you, it can get old through, when everybody
and their mom ask you ćWhere are you going?ä It can get a little annoying.
Thatās how it is in Indonesia, ćWhere you going?ä, ćWhere you going?ä Iām
going over there man, what are you my fucking mom?
Sometime they pretend to speak English just to hang out with you. Kind of
flattering I guess. I was on the back of this guyās motorcycle one time,
it was really sunny. I only where a hat when itās really fucking hot, like
when I touch your hand to my scalp and your finger burns, thatās fuckin
hot, so I get a hat. Iām on the back of this dudes bike and I say ćItās
sunny, do you want my hat?ä He says ćMy hat.ä Iām like yeah, itās sunny,
you want my hat? He says ćMy hat, my hat I know.ä Iām like what the fuck?
Sometimes people come up to me and say, this has really happened. ćAre you
England?ä And Iām like, yeah, Iām England.
Cause you see Iām from NY, where you can go your whole life with no
one ever looking at you, then your in some backwater place in China and
itās like your Tom Cruise at a gay porno convention, people are gonna check
you out.