Ronnie
So my fathers name is Ron, Ronald. When you go to my house you hear 2 kinds
of annoying screams.
There is "Raaaniee" that kind of trails away but stays present in the air, as another one is
bound to follow "Raaaaaniiieeee", then there is the quick high pitched and equally annoying "Ronnie!!"
My mom is the most annoying person in the world, you might think your mom is,
lets just say they're in the same club. That guy from Aladdin, the parrot,
Gilbert Godfrey, he's got nothing on my mom.
My dad, oh man, my dad. He drives with the brights on. I mean, that's OK, if the
street is deserted, but all the time? And I'm like, I dont' want to disrespect him,
I already told him, but I don't want to cause an accident either.
They live in Phoenix. You ever been to Phoenix? You can't go outside. It's like living
on the sun. What kind of person is gonna live somewhere where you can't go outside?
That's all I want to do is sit outside, I just don't get it.
They do some bad things my parents. Not like killing people or anything like that,
but just bad stuff. They feed the wild Coyotees. they just don't understand.
"We stole their land", "He's so skinny".
But, like your killing them by feeding them, they just don't get it.
Eveytime my mom gets her hands wet she uses a paper towel
"It's cleaner than a towel".
They have a handicap sign that they hang from the rear view mirror.
They are not handicapped.
I had knee surgery 5 years ago, and for some reason I listened to Mr. and Mrs. Insane,
and had it done in Phoenix, and they kept the sign. That was about the biggest mistake
I ever made in my life. Staying with them for 3 weeks while I recovered from knee
surgery. Take my advice, don't do that if you want to keep loving your parents.
Most people cant handle more than 3 days with their parents, I was there for 3 weeks,
how did I stay sane, I didn't actually.
My dad doesn't think too straight anymore.
He was trying to describe the fact that we were similar, one time when I was looking for
a job or just not doing anything after college. They took me for one of those drives.
"Dobb, you are gong to have to do something". Then he says, drawing a comparison
between the two of us.
"If A is greater than B,... then B is greater than C."
That's what he said.
"If A is greater than B,... then B is greater than C."
I couldn't make that up.
One time we were talking about when winter starts, the date and all.
"December 15th, ahhh, that's in the middle of January right?"
Yeah dad, right in the middle.
I want to respect him, I really do, but he makes it tough. he's a good man,
never beat my mom, although she could have used a little something. No, no.
You know why he's like the way he is? It's television. TV will suck the brain right out
your eyes. He just stares right into it all day. Doesn't blink his eyes.
Like he's like 5 years old, and never seen it before.
The only way for me to deal is to put earplugs in my ears. That, or get real baked.
But my mom seems to have this super smelling ability. Ever other sense is kind of shot,
can't see to well, can't hear "Dobby, I can't hear you " in a shrill tone, everything
I say "What"!!! But if I blow a hit outside, and forget to gargle, "Did you do the pot?",
"I smell burning, I don't want you to do pot in this house, Ronnie!!!"
He doesn't want any part of it, because he's working on some bizarre
mathematical formula, or highlighting the TV guide.
"Didn't this movie win an Ice cream?"
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